THE SUPREME COURT HAS GIVEN BIRTH: A CORPORATION IS NOW A PERSON!

By Walter Bell, Ph.D. 01/2011

Since the Supreme Court has now declared that a Corporation is a person, I now have many questions about this person:
1. Does a corporation have a Mother and Father? Was the birth of this person conceived by sexual intercourse or donated sperm?
2. Is the corporation a US citizen, an illegal alien, a terrorist, or a naturalized citizen of foreign birth? This question is important because if it is not a US born citizen, it cannot run for the Presidency. If we re-instate the draft, could a gay corporation serve, or would it have to be drummed out of the military? This makes me wonder if Cheney’s favorite corporation, The Blackwater Group, is gay? If so, we could send them off to do other tasks that have nothing to do with killing civilians in places such as Iraq.
3. Since a corporation is now a person, does it have to file an income tax return, receive its own Social Security number, and can it file for disability, and/or receive social security, medicare, or medicaid benefits?
4. How is the sex of the corporation/person determined? What if it is gay? Could it marry another gay, under some kind of same sex marriage laws which is illegal in most states?
5. Can this person/corporation involve itself in bribery such as paying a Member of Congress, a member of the Supreme Court, or a member of the Executive Branch for a favorable vote as a Lobbyist?
6. Can a member of the Supreme Court become a corporation and pay lobbyists to give money to a Member of Congresss to vote for an outcome favorable to the member of the court? Since Justice Scalia and Dick Cheney are such good buddies, maybe we will soon see a corporation, known as Scalia/Cheney, Inc. with a subsidiary known as Waterboarding/Hunting Club,Inc. with a corporate slogan: “If Waterboarding doesn’t work, then have our hunting club Shoot them for target practice.”
7. Or, since Justice Alito, is such a staunch supporter of the Unitary Executive Theory making the President a Dictator, will we soon see his favorite organization, the Federalist Society, run for President so that all the members of the society can become a collective President known as “President Federalist.” In this way, Alito could remain a Justice of the Supreme Court and a Collective President known as “President Federalist, et.al.”
8. Since a Corporation is now a Person, why not merge the right wing members of the Supreme Court into a Corporation which could pay Senators to vote for more potential right wing court members so that there would be no more 5 to 4 court decisions? We would have all 9 to 0 decisions.
9. I am certain, that my readers will come up with many questions of their own. In fact, maybe we could form a Corporation known as The Supreme Court Lunacy Voting, Inc. We could then run for Congress, hire lobbyists to help other members of Congress to vote our way. It now occurs to me that we could eventually have a Congress made up of Corporations only, and we could work to have one giant corporation become the Supreme Court, the Congress, and the Executive branch all combined into one. This corporation could be simply called the UNITARY EXECUTIVE CORPORATION which would greatly simplify decision making. Our Unitary Executive Corporation’s motto would be “It is our way or the highway.”